


Forgiveness

by brightingales (zoeteniets)



Series: Jarry tumblr prompts [2]
Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 06:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16212911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeteniets/pseuds/brightingales
Summary: For the tumblr prompt: “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”The breakup had been messy, of course. Their relationship had always been built on a foundation of passion; it was only right and proper that ending it had been equally so...





	Forgiveness

The breakup had been messy, of course. Their relationship had always been built on a foundation of passion; it was only right and proper that ending it had been equally so. There had been shouting, screaming, even a few broken glasses. Then they had tumbled into bed- the gentlest act of violence against each other that they could manage. And in the morning, James had crawled from the bed, stolen Harry’s phone, and called his mother.

James had once sworn that he would never betray Harry. But that had been when he had hoped that they would have a future together. The last few days had killed that dream dead. How strange it is to fall out of love? James was shocked by the suddenness of it all. At once, the idea of calling Harry’s mum and asking her to fetch her wayward boy back stopped being a betrayal and became the only course of action he could take.

That was the last time he had seen him, crumpled and snoring on dirty bedsheets. James had left, unable to face up to the final scene, and came back to an empty flat and an emptier heart.

Luckily, he does not have an empty brain. He throws himself into work and let the faults and mistakes of others distract him for a while.  A run of good cases that he wins easily means that he’s on course for a promotion. Inevitably, the crowd in the office insist on taking him out for drinks. They trek all the way up to Liverpool, looking for somewhere a little bit more fancy than their usual. The bar they find is new. Sleek chrome accents, smooth jazz on the stereo, the fit waiters dressed in white shirts and suspenders. It’s a touch of pretentious. It’s just right for James.

He is still taking a look around the place when a waiter asks, “What can I get for you, sir?”

And suddenly, he’s back in a hot and humid bedroom, an impossibly beautiful boy in his lap and all his for the whole night. He chokes out his order and spends the rest of the night watching Harry the barman from out of the corner of his eyes. He’s looking well. He’s fit and healthy. There’s no grey tone to his skin anymore. He’s laughing.

James aches for him.

Maybe the alcohol gives him the confidence. Or maybe it’s the knowledge deep in his heart that he never actually stopped loving Harry, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he had. Whatever it is, he follows its instruction and sits himself down at the bar where he can chat with Harry in quieter moments. He’s relieved when Harry doesn’t rebuff him. When Harry asks genuine questions and smiles at James’s responses.  It’s small talk, so he has no idea why his mouth suddenly betrays him and blurts out:

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

Harry stops what he’s doing. Then he says, “Meet me out back in five,” and leaves.

When James gets there, Harry is leaning against the back wall, hands stuffed into the pockets of his uniform in an unconvincing attempt to look nonchalant.

“You can’t just say things like that, James.”

“I know. I’m sorry… I’d tell you that I didn’t mean it, but I don’t want to lie to you.”

“Why? Why are you even…?” Harry throws his hands up in frustration. “You were the one who dumped me, remember?”

“You broke my heart!”

Harry’s face twists and James can hear the “ _you don’t have a heart_ ” that Harry clearly wants to say. So, James keeps talking.

“I was always your second best, your last option, your consolation prize. But there was never anyone else for me. Even Kyle knew it. I can’t get you out of my head. You’re burrowed in there. And I thought I could do this. I thought I could let you go. I did! And you’ve done so well without me- I always knew you would. But look at me, Harry! I’ve been broken since you left!”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“ _I want you to feel something,_ ” echoes painfully in his head, a memory of a time long ago when he would have burnt the whole village down for just a second of Harry’s time.

“I don’t want you to do anything…” James begins. “Or… I want you to forgive me for loving you like this… I want you to stop whatever spell you’ve put on me… I’m not strong enough for this anymore, Harry.”

He collapses under the weight of the confession. All the tension from the last year rushes out from him in one great big exhale. But then, Harry catches him.

“And… what would you do if I said the same to you?” Harry asks tentatively. “What if I told you that I can’t look at another man without seeing you in his eyes? What if I told you that I’ve wandered the street that your office is on just hoping to catch a glimpse of you? What if I told you I left you hour long voicemails begging you to give me another chance before I realised that you’ve changed your number? What then?”

It’s too painful to hope, but James can’t help himself. “If you told me all that… I think that I would ask you to take me home.”

Harry smiles, reaches out, and kisses him.

“You don’t have to pretend anymore,” Harry says, biting softly at James’s lips. And for once, James believes him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @brigtingales for more jarry nonsense


End file.
